 |
| BY-866360, Sender: Anya Sent: 24 April 2013, Sent from Mogilev, Belarus Received: 23 May 2013, Traveled 8,747 km in 29 days |
What's in a name? That which we call a rose?
By any other name would still smell as sweet.
Romeo & Juliet (2.2.45-47)
In these lines from Romeo and Juliet, Juliet argues that the name of things do not matter, only what things "are".*
I am on a crossroads. Or perhaps, it's better to characterize these confused feelings and mixed emotions that I'm having lately as symptoms of the ever-famous phenomenon, that so called quarter-life crisis. I find myself staring blankly in space. At the same time, there are so many things running in my head. I cannot focus and I'm having difficulty in making decisions.
I am not happy with my profession, yet I'm still excited by it. Maybe it's unhappiness with my job, and not really the profession? Maybe a new work place will renew my enthusiasm? Perhaps I'm not really born to be a medical physicist? But I refuse to accept the idea of 'nature', I lean more into 'nurture' -- that you can be what you work your damn best to be. Still, I question myself whether I have the real talent for the profession. Then, what talents do I really have? A friend told me I am a 'people person'. Yet here I am, trying to fit in a profession that requires a bigger percentage for talent in the technical department.
Should I try to find my happiness in a different career? But isn't it a bit too late now? Is this unhappiness a transient thing? Perhaps I'm just lacking motivation right now? Perhaps it's just all in my head. Perhaps I'm just allowing myself to dwell on negativity? I actually find it humiliating and ironic, that many friends and acquaintances have come to me for advice; many considered me successful in this profession. Their compliments often surprise me as I think of the internal and external struggles. Some say I am very hard with myself. Perhaps I am...
Or, perhaps the profession doesn't really matter. That it is what lies in your core as a person which counts the most. That wherever you find yourself in, whatever profession you take, whichever road you thread, it is your motivation and determination to be happy and find real success whatever the circumstances are which counts the most. Like what Juliet said, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose / By any other name would still smell as sweet."
I haven't found the final resolution for my thoughts on this matter. But I know I should get some sleep now. Tomorrow is another day, and I pray that it is a better day.
~maria
p.s. Pardon this melancholic post. I really need an outlet for the random thoughts in my head. My thoughts are really crazy right now. I don't know which way to go. Your comments are very welcome. If you disagree with what I've written, I'd greatly appreciate if you tell me why.
You are not too old to think about a change in career or changing the direction of your career. I went back to school at 35 to study something completely different from anything I had ever done. It was difficult, but by no means unsurmountable. It just took me a long time to realize what I wanted to do with my life.
ReplyDeleteNow I see why my post about focus caught your eye. I think many people experience what you have. Maybe you need to just find some interests outside of work to add variety to your life? Keeping a lookout for a different workplace more to your liking might be in order, but I wouldn't recommend giving up your current job.
ReplyDeleteSometimes a good life reassessment is what a person needs. Make a pro and con list. Research your alternatives. Look for what you love most about your current position and zero in on that aspect.
I think you've started off right by writing this blog post about your feelings.
Good luck!
Lee
A Faraway View
An A to Z Co-host blog
Sweet Maria--last week sissy Clytie gave me some papers she'd rescued when I was about your age. I didn't even remember throwing them out the upstairs window.
ReplyDeleteAll week long, I have been reading through them bit by bit. There was a journal I called "Writing it out." Oh, my goodness--such confusion, up one day, down the next--searching for a life's work--wondering about love and what life held for me. Would I marry? Would I have children? I was seeking for some kind of meaning in my life.
Now that I'm a LOT older, reading the thoughts I had as a young woman, I remember the intensity of those feelings.
Sweet girl, you have your whole life in front of you. You are a bright, beautiful, kind, thoughtful person. It has been written if a person seeks for wisdom, God will not withhold it. My best friend and mentor years ago told me that to know a lot is one thing--what I needed was to acquire wisdom--which gives a person the knowledge of how to use what one knows. What a thoughtful young person you are!
Mr. Bird has some great ideas on how to focus. I remember doing just that--making a pro and con list. It did me a lot of good. ((hugs)) As I've come to know you better, your candor and kindness have touched my heart. I will be praying for you, sweet lady. ((Hugs))
Hope springs eternal!!! (grin) You will make it through this fine--and those of us who have the privilege of sharing your journey, are blessed.
I like your blog!!
ReplyDeleteDo u want to follow each other? I'm already following u!
xx from
http://letoileduphare.blogspot.com
Hello Maria,
ReplyDeleteA rose is still a rose whatever name you give her. Apparently you were submerged by contradictional emotions when you wrote your FFP and it's a good thing to write them down as you did. If you woke up the day after with the same feelings of being lost, probably, you should go back to the why questions ? Sometimes going back to the start helps
All my best to you dear !
Grace
I would listen to Beth, she has some good comments there. Yes you can change at your age. Maybe it is the workplace? Imagine yourself in a different worksplace, surrounded by different people, still doing the same kind of work. How does this feel?
ReplyDeleteViridian
In the end, you have to decide...are you preparing for a career move or are you preparing to settle down?
ReplyDeleteWhat's best for your long-term career might not be best for your long-term relationship. It's all about finding what you define as "success", which isn't limited to your employment. Continue at MPHPS? Go back and get your PhD? Or perhaps, you can actually think about teaching physics at a high school or collegiate level? Think about which of these options you're most passionate about...and go for it.
So many options lie ahead for you...but I believe I know from certain past experiences that balancing too many things on your plate leads to something being pushed off that plate...
These are just my thoughts on things :) Ingat ka...