| BY-866360, Sender: Anya|
Sent: 24 April 2013, Sent from Mogilev, Belarus
Received: 23 May 2013, Traveled 8,747 km in 29 days
What's in a name? That which we call a rose?
By any other name would still smell as sweet.
Romeo & Juliet (2.2.45-47)
In these lines from Romeo and Juliet, Juliet argues that the name of things do not matter, only what things "are".*
I am on a crossroads. Or perhaps, it's better to characterize these confused feelings and mixed emotions that I'm having lately as symptoms of the ever-famous phenomenon, that so called quarter-life crisis. I find myself staring blankly in space. At the same time, there are so many things running in my head. I cannot focus and I'm having difficulty in making decisions.
I am not happy with my profession, yet I'm still excited by it. Maybe it's unhappiness with my job, and not really the profession? Maybe a new work place will renew my enthusiasm? Perhaps I'm not really born to be a medical physicist? But I refuse to accept the idea of 'nature', I lean more into 'nurture' -- that you can be what you work your damn best to be. Still, I question myself whether I have the real talent for the profession. Then, what talents do I really have? A friend told me I am a 'people person'. Yet here I am, trying to fit in a profession that requires a bigger percentage for talent in the technical department.
Should I try to find my happiness in a different career? But isn't it a bit too late now? Is this unhappiness a transient thing? Perhaps I'm just lacking motivation right now? Perhaps it's just all in my head. Perhaps I'm just allowing myself to dwell on negativity? I actually find it humiliating and ironic, that many friends and acquaintances have come to me for advice; many considered me successful in this profession. Their compliments often surprise me as I think of the internal and external struggles. Some say I am very hard with myself. Perhaps I am...
Or, perhaps the profession doesn't really matter. That it is what lies in your core as a person which counts the most. That wherever you find yourself in, whatever profession you take, whichever road you thread, it is your motivation and determination to be happy and find real success whatever the circumstances are which counts the most. Like what Juliet said, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose / By any other name would still smell as sweet."
I haven't found the final resolution for my thoughts on this matter. But I know I should get some sleep now. Tomorrow is another day, and I pray that it is a better day.
p.s. Pardon this melancholic post. I really need an outlet for the random thoughts in my head. My thoughts are really crazy right now. I don't know which way to go. Your comments are very welcome. If you disagree with what I've written, I'd greatly appreciate if you tell me why.